


i'll love you in my peaceful nights, even more in my sleepless ones

by Jsscshvlr



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: 5 Times, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:28:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27604226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jsscshvlr/pseuds/Jsscshvlr
Summary: “Em.” He says eyes closed like he’s dreaming, voice still tight in a way that hurts deep in her chest. She hums in response as he continually drags her towards him, arms holding her to his chest the second he can reach her.Or:5 times MJ comforts Peter is his sleep and the one time he seeks her out.
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Comments: 22
Kudos: 82





	i'll love you in my peaceful nights, even more in my sleepless ones

**Author's Note:**

  * For [iovewords](https://archiveofourown.org/users/iovewords/gifts).



> happy birthday iovewords my angel!

**_One_ **

She’s not sure how she was woken up by his heavy breathing, knowing that usually, she’s a heavy sleeper - something in her body knew that he needed someone. Like he needed her. She shook the thought out of her head while walking over to his room to try and wake him up.

Her heart drops when she sees him in the darkness, eyes squeezed shut as if that’s going to save him - as if it will help. Walking softly over to his bed, she places her hand gently on his shoulder, immediately stepping back. She’s not sure what his nightmares are about, but she knows he’s Spider-Man, so she feels like it’s safe to assume they aren’t nightmares she would ever want to have - but she does want to help him. 

She slides onto the bed next to him, hoping that the movement will jostle him awake, although she’s not sure what she’d say if he did wake up. Maybe she could say she had a bad dream - knowing that he might be embarrassed that she knows about him. He hasn’t told her about them, but they’ve only been roommates for a few months. Barely scratching the surface of what it means to be friends. Just because her feelings for him moulded their way into the shape of a heart two months in, doesn’t mean he’s the same. 

He did tell her about Spider-Man. She did catch him halfway in the window with the mask off. So, she can’t really call that wanting to tell her. 

When she tries to lie flat, she holds her breath when he flips to the other side of the bed. Petrified she’s made this worse, she contemplates getting back up - but he spins back around to face her, and she notices his eyebrows are less furrowed. 

He reaches out for something, and she gives him her hand - he doesn’t stir but does seem to recognise that she’s there. His breathing starts to settle and his arm tugs pulling her closer. She’s unsure of what to do, feeling like she should leave because he’s asleep and calm now and he never asked for her to be here. 

“Em.” He says eyes closed like he’s dreaming, voice still tight in a way that hurts deep in her chest. She hums in response as he continually drags her towards him, arms holding her to his chest the second he can reach her. 

She couldn’t leave now even if she wanted to, which she doesn’t. 

“You’re here.” He says voice thick with sleep, his hand gently stroking the back of her neck. She’s hoping he’s too far gone to notice the uptick in her heartbeat.

“Where else would I be?” She replies, confidence gaining in the darkness but he’s already back asleep.

When she wakes up in the morning, his hold has loosened, so she slips out the same way she came in. He doesn’t mention it at breakfast.

**_Two_ **

Michelle hears him tossing and turning when she wakes up to get a cup of water at 3 am, she knew she shouldn’t have had so much salt with dinner. He’s fallen asleep on the sofa and her chest hurts at the crease between his brows, and the way he’s tugging the blanket closer to him - he’s saying something but she hasn’t got his Spidey senses to figure out what it is. 

Walking over to him quietly she thinks about what to do. Last time he happened to calm down when she was around and she’s hoping he does it again. She doesn’t want to wake him up, knowing he doesn’t get enough sleep as it is - always out saving the city. 

Crouching down beside him she smooths the creases from his brow, trying to decide whether or not she should stay. But he seems to have come out of it, lessening his grip on the blanket. She can’t stop herself smiling at him. Her knees click as she places her hands on her thighs to get back up, and she stifles a groan at her dodgy inherited knees. 

Walking back to her room she hears him stir again and spins round to see him thrashing against the couch. Her heart breaks at the sight of him but she doesn’t know what to  _ do _ . Walking back over she decides she should just try and wake him up. 

Kneeling back down, knees be damned, she rests her hand on his shoulder, preparing herself to move away if necessary. He immediately settles back against the sofa, and she can’t help the tug of her heart that her presence could be helping. Realistically she knows it’s probably just having a warm body near him, he loves physical touch - but her heart beats faster knowing that it might be her. 

Unlike last time, she can’t slip in the bed next to him. Why does he have to fall asleep on the couch? She moves her hand for a second to see what she could come up with - but he immediately starts grumbling again. She decides to grab some pillows from the one armchair they salvaged from the thrift store and makes up a bed next to the sofa, her arm reaching up to touch him. She’s annoyed for two seconds about the inevitable shoulder ache she’ll have in the morning but then feels guilty because he has it so much worse. 

Falling asleep is easier than she thinks, slightly chilly on the floor but with her fingers intertwined with Peter’s, she feels safe. She’s woken up slightly by movement, not fully understanding what’s happening so glances to the window and can see the lighter skies outside - deciding somehow that it must be dawn, but that it’s the weekend, she can sleep for longer. She realises all too slow that she’s being woken up by Peter wedging himself between her and the sofa, arms encasing her - warming her from her head to her toes. 

“You okay?” He says, voice heavy with sleep. “Why -” he yawns into her hair and she holds him closer “-floor?” She nuzzles her head underneath his chin in a way she’s too nervous to do in the daylight, hoping that he’ll fall back asleep without questioning her again. She knows he’ll only feel guilty.

“Glad you’re here.” He says with a kiss to her forehead. 

She gets up before him in the morning to make coffee. He doesn’t bring up why he was on the floor. 

**_Three_ **

They’re on the way to the Tower at the weekend when she next hears the sounds of Peter being in pain. She hates how he never seems to be able to forget that he’s Spider-Man. She loves that he is, loves everything about him really - but she just wants him to be able to relax. You’re supposed to be safe in your sleep. 

She’s momentarily annoyed at being talked into the front seat with Happy because Tony had to talk to Peter about something in the back, and then feels guilty because Happy really tried to talk to her today. Sure it was a little stilted and awkward but she appreciates it nonetheless. 

For his part, Tony looks out of his depth - like he wants to yeet himself over the threshold and roll up the partition, he won’t - he’s a superhero, but he does look like he wants too. 

“He likes physical touch.” She says looking at him in the rearview mirror. 

“I’m not hugging him while he’s asleep, Michelle.” He responds with what she thinks is supposed to be controlled humour but comes out choked. Rolling her eyes at him, she undoes her belt buckle, taps Happy on the shoulder as thanks for conversation and goes to move through the window in the car. 

“What are you doing?! I can pull over!” Happy screeches at her.

“Dude, we’re on the freeway.” She says half in the back of the car already.

“Excellent work, MJ. Happy pullover anyway, I can’t squeeze through there.” She hears Happy mutter something about the boss but she can’t hear him because Peter has started moving and he’s going to hurt himself. Well probably not, but she wants to help him and her ankle is caught. 

Throwing herself to the floor she’s thankful for a second about the space in the back of the car before she remembers that the car is ostentatious and unnecessary for four people. 

She sits in the seat furthest away from Peter and rests her hand on his thigh - vaguely aware that Tony fucking Stark is watching her in the mirror and Happy has yet to move. Peter stops moving around as much when she touches him, settling back against the seat. She thinks if she can get him to lie down he might be comfier - knowing that he had a late patrol last night. 

“Pete?” She says quietly, only for him. 

“Michelle?” He says moving a hand around to look for her in a way that makes her heart beat against her chest. 

“Yeah, lay down for me?” He does so immediately, head landing on her lap. She’s never done this before, so she doesn’t want to just stare down at him, should she cradle his head? It seems unnecessary. She does it anyway. 

He spins to face her, his face buried against her stomach - he wraps one of his arms underneath her legs and places his hand against the door., and the other hand around her hips. 

“Won’t fall -” a yawn “- sticky. I got you.”

“I know. I’ve got you back, go to sleep okay.” She says threading her fingers through his hair, revelling the way he hums against her. She spends the rest of the drive avoiding the glances from Happy and Tony. Savages.

When they get to the Tower he’s so relaxed his hand isn’t sticking to the door anymore and Happy steps on the brake too hard so he falls to the floor. They don’t talk about the drive. 

**_Four_ **

They’re working in the library - Michelle on a group project that appears to be just one person completing it (her) and Peter who turned up forty-five minutes ago to keep her company and bring her a muffin. She loves him. It’s 2:34 am, he looks shattered but happy and she loves him. 

It happens unexpectedly, a jolt next to her and she hadn’t even noticed he’d fallen asleep borderline sat upright because she was so into rewriting this paragraph. He’s mumbling incoherently to himself and she chances a look around. The floor is empty, save for the two and another sleeping student in the corner. 

Peter jolts next to her again and she can’t figure out what to do. She could wake him up and they could go home, she could help him there - but she knows if he wakes up mid-nightmare he usually forces himself back out or down numerous cups of coffee to keep himself awake till daylight. 

She moves her chair so it’s touching his and hooks her right leg around his left one. It takes a little while for him to settle and she’s panicked that it’s not working anymore - that he doesn’t need her. She knows deep down that isn’t fair. That her just being around isn’t enough to rid him of his nightmares forever. 

Shaking off the thought that she’s not enough for him, she puts her arm around his shoulder, and he immediately settles into her side - arms round her waist. She kisses the top of his head because she can. 

“Wanna hear your voice.” He says into her ribs and she shivers at the close contact of his mouth to her. She doesn’t usually speak when they’re like this, but his voice sounded pained and she loves him.

“The Mole had been working very hard all morning-” she says while simultaneously typing in her document with her free hand. She’ll probably have to rewrite it tomorrow but that’s okay. 

“Wind in the Willows?” He says with excitement to his voice that she hasn’t at nighttime in a while. She hums in response and he pulls her closer, placing a kiss to her ribs.

“You’re amazing, I -” he clears his throat and attempts to burrow into her side much like the mole she’s about to describe, “You’re amazing, Em.”

“Go to sleep otherwise he can’t spring clean.” She says while stroking the side of his neck. He hums into her and she hopes he drifts off thinking of the English countryside. 

He’s woken up an hour later by the snoozing student's phone going off. He springs upright and she tells him it’s okay, they’re safe as he blinks the sleep out of his eyes. They don’t talk about it on the walk home.

**_Five_ **

They’re watching a film at May’s when it next happens. Peter is on the edge of the sofa with Ned on his left. Michelle sat on the other side of the room because God forbid her and Peter are within ten meters of each other without someone making a comment about their relationship. They don’t have a relationship. Well, they’re friends but that’s it. Sure she’s in love with him, has been for months at this point but he’s Spider-Man and her roommate. But still, she comes to these movies nights anyway because he puts a puppy dog face on when he asks her, and they get to do a long drive together and she loves it. 

Also, she’d do anything for May but that’s beside the point. 

They’d just finished watching Space Jam, and she knew Peter would one: fall asleep mid-movie because he had a late stake out yesterday and two: would have a residual nightmare based on it. 

He starts mumbling incoherently in his sleep and her chest gets tight at the sight of him. It’s late, and they have a long drive later so she wants him to be well-rested. She can’t decide what to do, knowing that other people are starting to notice, his arms are moving a little bit now. Ned goes to push him to wake him up and May stops him, 

“Sweetie. He can be - just don’t wake him up. He can react badly so it’s better to leave him be, he’ll work through it. Give him a little space” Ned looks just as distressed about it as MJ feels, knowing that May is holding back tears also. Ned moves a seat over. She knows why he’d never forgive himself if he ever hurt any of them. But he’s scared and alone and it hurts. 

And what? She doesn’t want to criticize any advice, knowing that May raised him to be who he is, and she couldn’t have done a better job - she definitely doesn’t want to overstep, but she’s been helping Peter sleep soundly for weeks at this point. 

She grabs the blanket from behind her and crosses the room to be closer to him. 

She gives May a small smile in what she hopes is a, I’ve got this, kinda way. In the time it’s taken them to have a two-sentence conversation and for her to walk across the room, Peter is flailing, so she picks up her pace. 

“Just me.” She says quietly when she gets near to him, laying next to him in Ned’s old space. She places a hand on his forearm and the blanket over him as she waits for him to relax a little bit. She’d lay straight on him if she could, to take his pain away as quickly as she could - but she knows if he accidentally hit her he’d never have been able to forgive himself. 

So she waits for his arms to settle down and then she lays herself along the side of his body, smiling to herself when he immediately opens his arms for her. Even in his sleep, he seems to reach for her and she tries to ignore all the eyes on them at the moment. 

“Chelle?” He says when her face is tucked under his chin and her arms are securely round him. 

“Yeah - just me.” She whispers, hoping that only he can pick it up. 

“Missed you.” He says kissing the top of her head. She hears someone gasp but opts to push that out of her mind for now. 

“I’ve been right here, dork.” She replies but ultimately pulls him closer, she misses him too. 

“Mmm, but -” he yawns “-all the way somewhere else.” She rolls her eyes at how cute he is when he’s asleep. She feels him pull back and then he’s looking at her with a sleepy dopey expression like he’s so glad she’s the first thing he saw when he woke up. 

“Hi.” He says bringing one hand to brush his thumb along her cheekbone.

“Hi.” She says as he leans in to kiss her. Just a quick peck on the lips but it’s enough to start a fire in her heart. She loves him. One day she’ll tell him. She thinks he might love her back. 

When May wakes them up an hour or so later, Peter runs to the bathroom and they don’t talk about it on the drive home.

**_+1_ **

It’s a couple of days before the anniversary of Ben’s death and he’s preparing himself for the nightmares, for the depression, for the feeling of failure. May has already upped her call time this week as if she doesn’t suffer worse than him. He loves her, but God he feels guilty. He got her husband killed and now she looks after  _ him _ . 

Sitting down on the couch he determines where he should try and fall asleep tonight - usually, he watches TV till he passes out, unable to resist sleep for a second longer. But he has a roommate now and that’s-.

MJ.

She’s always there when he wakes up expecting to have had a nightmare, but he never feels like he has. Anytime he has the good fortune of waking up and her hair is the first thing he sees, it’s felt like all the days of Hanukkah rolled into one. He’s so unreasonably in love with her - obviously doesn’t have the gall to do anything about it. It’s Michelle. 

But she has been sleeping with him more lately, and something in him determines that it must be for a reason. Maybe she’s cold? Maybe she’s lonely? He doesn’t think she’s bought anyone home for a while - scratch that, he knows she hasn’t. He wouldn’t be a functioning human if she had. Maybe she knows that he needs her? That he thinks about her all the time, even when he’s sleeping. 

He knows she’s in her room now, probably asleep what with it being almost 3 am. It is a Friday, but he knows she only pushes morning when she has a book she can’t put down, and the next one she wants to read isn’t out till tomorrow - he’s got a reminder in his phone to get it for her. Could he…go in? Knock the door and ask if he can sleep with her because being with her is where he feels most at home?

He wants to build a life with her if she’d let him. He won’t ask, she’s not made it clear whether she even likes him as a roommate yet - they’ve only been living together for 10 months. He should double-check whether or not she wants to renew her lease, he prays that she does. 

He loves living with her. Loves watching her make morning coffee for him and tea for her, taking her hair out while the water boils only to put it back into the same messy bun as before, often more untidy.

He loves reading segments in her book when she falls asleep on the couch and he uses his Spidey sense to catch the book before it hits the ground - for someone who can’t stand losing their page she sure plays fast and loose with bookmarks.

He loves the look on her face when he surprises her with Thai takeout every other Wednesday because she has a late shift at the soup kitchen and she never eats the food there in case someone else needs it. He loves her. 

Standing to walk to her room from the couch feels like a covert mission - will he make it? Will he turn into a pile of nerves the second he moves? He tests his theory and manages to walk down the hallway and then lingers outside her door feeling like a creep. He can’t hear her heavy breathing so he assumes she’s not asleep yet, or deep sleep anyway. 

“Peter?” Welp. Not asleep it is. 

“Er - yeah?”

“Are you going to come in?”

“Yes.” He says, unmoving. He hears her laugh softly from behind the door, and he misses her - hasn’t seen her since that morning when she left him extra toast because she knows he doesn’t eat properly when he’s sad. She’d cut it into mini triangles because it’s easier to scoff down. He loves her. He needs her. 

So he opens the door. 

She’s sat against the headboard under the covers with her glasses on - and he can barely breathe. Can hardly remember that he’s supposed to be heartbroken, how can he be when she’s right there?

“Hey, Tiger.”

“Tiger?” He manages to choke out when she moves her laptop from her lap and to the nightstand, her leg sticking out slightly to hold her balance and she’s only in a t-shirt. He’s pretty sure it’s his t-shirt. 

“May sent me some Halloween pictures of you as a child - adorable.” She replies as she moves back to her position on the bed. 

“Em Jaaaaaay.”

She rolls her eyes at him and he has to clear his throat numerous times for something completely unrelated. 

“Come here?” She says lifting her duvet up, he assumes for him. She did just ask him to go over, and she has been sleeping in his bed far more often but still. He stumbles over and she laughs at him, presumably because he looks like a baby animal trying to walk for the first time. 

“How you feeling?” She asks with a soft voice when he mirrors her position in bed. She’s slightly turned to him and must he always be dumbstruck by how attractive she is? He’s definitely staring at her lips. 

“Um - fine. Okay.” He glances up at her and she doesn’t look mad he’s clearly lying to her, she just looks soft. Like he could tell her every little thing he’s ever done wrong, and she’d love him anyway. 

“Not great.” He huffs out a laugh - immediately annoyed at the tears that sprang to his eyes the second she asked how he was. He’s been holding it in all day, truly all year - trying to only break down about it around the anniversary. 

“Wanna sleep here tonight?” She asks, tone the same as always, but he swears he picks up on some nervousness. 

“Please.” He says way more broken than he was intending. 

“I- I just need to go and-”

“Your pyjamas are here, dork.” She says throwing some pants at him and a top. Oh. He brushed his teeth before his pity party on the couch so he has no reason to leave the bedroom til tomorrow - the thought makes his brain feel funny. 

“You can sleep in your boxers if you want, you usually do. Don’t think you have to change for me.” She says as she plugs her phone in, but he can hear the softness in her voice. He’s leaning into it. She doesn’t want to change him. Even when he feels pathetic, and gross, and like a failure. She likes him anyway. Maybe she likes it better broken. 

He decides not to speak while he changes because one, he doesn’t want to spill every reason he loves her out onto the floor, and two, she’s in the room - and if he thinks to hard about the fact he’ll be semi naked soon and she’s only in a tshirt his head might explode. 

Managing to get through the trauma that is changing in front of the love of his life, he slips into bed next to her. Seemingly forgetting that they haven’t done the whole falling asleep together thing. He’s only done the waking up with her in his arms thing. He does love that - he has a feeling he’s going to love this too. 

“Stop thinking so hard.” She says, pulling him out of his thoughts which centred around her, as she moves down the bed so her head is on the pillow and the duvet is pulled up to her chin. She looks adorable. 

“You’re adorable-” this is why he can’t look at her for too long “-look, you look adorable. Wait - shit.” She’s laughing, but he’s pretty sure it’s with him not at him. He slides down the bed so he mirrors her position, pulling the duvet close to his chin. She’s laughing so hard the bed is moving and he can’t cope with it. Can’t cope with the amount of love he has for her. How it’s pouring out of him with no chance of stopping, completely bulldozing any other feeling he’s supposed to be having. He could watch her laugh for the rest of time, hoping he has forever to think of new ways to make her smile. 

She’s still giggling slightly - probably over tired - but looking at him like he’s the sun, like he’s everything to her, even when she has to lay on the floor to get him to sleep peacefully - or when she climbs over the seats in a car to hold him while he’s sad. He loves her, and she might love him. 

He turns on his side so he can look at her uninterrupted by the edges of the room - she matches him, intertwining their feet under the covers. 

He’s not scared when they’re like this, when they’re the only two people in a room. He can look at her and never get bored. He lifts his hand and places it gently on her face, shuffling the littlest bit closer. Glancing down to her lips and back up, she smiles at him and that’s all he needs. She’s all he needs. 

He moves in slowly - not wanting to rush this. She’s delicate, and soft, and his and he doesn’t want to -

MJ pulls his face to hers with her hands - his Spidey sense is so attuned to her that he didn’t even get a chance to react before her lips are on his. She holds him there for a few seconds before moving back and she looks terrified. 

“Sorry - did I, have I read this wrong?”

“No.”

“No?” She replies, seemingly confused but her hands are still on his cheeks and he feels her fingers tense as they widen when he smiles. 

“No, you haven’t.” And he moves back in to kiss her again. He rolls on top of her, ecstatic at the way she makes a home for him between her legs. He wants everything with her, all of it. He wants the late night dinners, the arguing over who does the laundry, the eating her awful bolognese because she’s trying to get it right for him, the early morning declarations of love. 

“I love you.” He says as he stares down at her, arms bracketing her head. 

“I love you more.” And she pulls down to kiss him before he can argue. He knows it’s not true, he’s never felt a love like this - but the thought that she does, that she thinks she could - it warms his heart like nothing before. 

For the first time in as long as he can remember, he’s excited to go to sleep. With her - always with her. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I don't know. Will I ever post a fic that doesn't end in an I love you? Tune in next time when the answer will be no x
> 
> Come say hi on tumblr: i-lovethatforme x


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